Post 7

Been a long time. Feeling a bit pissed today oddly.

I went on an abseiling course with someone I liked, and while waiting for our turn, the whole bunch of us (we went in a group) were randomly spamming something about the MBTI personality test, since the school basically forced us to. It's almost like some sort of conspiracy to profile all the students.

Anyway, I turned out to be an introvert, but I sure as hell didn't act like one, even though deep down inside, I know I've always been a bloody introvert through and through. It's just that, somehow, two years back, I didn't feel like hanging out alone with only a couple of friends to phone and go over to their place once in a while. Sounds like the kind of time one would go get a pint of alcohol or cigarettes, but the stuff tastes like bullshit, so I don't bother.

When I asked the person I liked rhetorically "Do I look like an introvert?", the person said something about how it's hard to tell, since people could be acting. Before I could really look the person in the eyes and tell her I was acting (I did mention it, just not eye to eye) I got distracted by cheering for one of the other people abseiling.

Funnily enough, it got me thinking. I've been putting up a facade for more than two years now. Should I shed it? Or should I continue as I am? It's confusing me a bit. Suddenly I understand a bit of what Raju from R.K. Narayan's The Guide feels like: Doesn't belong anywhere, doesn't have a sense of identity, can't seem to stay still. I would bring up Kazuya Takino from Kenzo Kitakata's The Cage, but I'm not gangster enough, and neither am I godly in knifefights.

Meh. Something to mull over.